Save Me From Myself
by Alice-Cullen-Fan-18
Summary: Set during New Moon. Same events, different story! Will Bella realize her feelings for Jacob or will it be too late? Read to find out. Rated T.


I stood at the top of the cliff, very aware of how venerable I was right now. I was risking my life in my utter despair and turmoil to hear his voice ring melodically in my mind, to hear _their _voices, the voices I longed to hear every day of my now empty life. I needed _them_. A perfect delusion was the key to my insanity. If I closed my eyes and imposed danger on myself willingly, I could almost feel, almost believe, they were right next to me, that _he _was right beside me, whispering angrily in my ear.

'Don't do this,' he would plead. 'Please don't do this.' The day he had abandoned me in the forest, he had told me not to do anything reckless or stupid. Translation: don't get yourself killed. But what good came from such a promise when both sides of the bargain could not be kept? I would break that promise as and when I decided and although it seemed foolish now, it was what made _me _happy. These delusions tested my sanity and although incredulous, there was a strong part of me and I don't know how very strong that part was, that truly believed they were real.

Didn't he want me to be happy? Would he even care I was here now, standing, malicious, a foot from my impending death? I liked to think so. But this was my chance, no more sitting on the sidelines, no more wishing for something I could never have, no more grieving, no more sadness. Here and now, I felt hope, tranquil. Here, I felt…whole.

Edward had said it would be like he never existed. Those were his exact words but how could I merely forget him and go back to my past life as it was before I met him and his family? How could I forget such a beautiful face, such a voice? How could I ever forget them? Did he think I had amnesia?! Did he think I wouldn't care? The Cullens were like a second family to me and in some ways, much, much more than that. Alice was like my best friend, Esme, the mother figure I had never had, Emmett, the older brother every sister dreamed of having, and then there were the others – Rosalie, Jasper, Carlisle and… but I still couldn't bear to say the name out loud without the pain crippling my heart.

And where were they now? Where were they when I was crying, helpless and screaming my heart out, in the dead of night? Would they even recognize me now or had they merely forgotten? Edward had said so himself that his kind was easily distracted. So why was I still tormenting myself, ripping myself apart, over him now?

I knew the answer very well, although I would not care to admit it out loud. Much as I despised him for leaving me, I still loved him. I had never stopped loving him, not when he told me goodbye and not now. There was a hole deep in my hollow empty chest that I was certain would never fill up. I needed him to make me whole. These delusions I created were only in my mind, nothing more but I was happier this way, happier than I had been in weeks, so much so that I was willing to risk my life for him now. My lifeless eyes swivelled over the clear-blue water far below and I crept involuntarily forward towards the edge with my heart in my hands to meet my impending doom.

My decision to jump now was irrevocable! I could not turn back now, not when I was this damn close to being in proximity of him. His voice heightened in alarm and I smiled ever so slightly. He was furious. 'Go back Bella. Go back to Jacob! Go home _now_.' His voice was angry and demanding but I ignored his pleas. 'No,' I mouthed silently. Why should I obey? It's not what I wanted. I sauntered forwards, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. 'Bella,' Edward roared in defiance. 'Go. Back. Now.' With my eyes fully closed, I was suddenly aware of all my other primal senses. I could hear the waves crashing and "whooshing" against the rocks far below, the seagulls screaming and fighting over food, the rustle of the wind and snap of a twig underfoot.

His voice still sounded perfectly clear in my ear and my vision clouded with faces, the faces I would soon forget if I chose to jump, the faces of my family and friends – Charlie, Renee, Edward, Alice…_Jacob_. All these people I loved, I would leave behind. Something finally clicked in my mind and I opened my eyes. Edward's voice was only a background noise now and one that was slowly fading into the distance, like somebody was lowering the volume using a remote. 'No,' I gasped through my teeth but another voice immediately drowned my voice out.

'Bella? Bella?' the urgent voice called. It wasn't Edward calling my name this time. It was…. somebody else. Charlie perhaps? Their voice was strained with panic and at first I didn't recognize it. 'Jacob!' I yelled into the gushing wind. 'Bella!' His voice was closer now, huskier. If I listened hard enough, I could almost hear his big feet kicking the dirt as he ran. I could imagine the distress on his face and the image made me shudder and feel weak to my knees.

He ran into my line of sight, visibly out of breath but nothing he couldn't manage. He stared at me a beat too long with incredulous eyes. A wave of relief flooded through his face but was quickly replaced by reproach. His face turned hard and bitter. His eyes darkened and he took a casual step towards me with his arm outstretched. His grown-up face reminded me of Sam Uley and this bothered me greatly.

'C'mon Bella,' he encouraged in a softer tone although his face stayed the same. 'Don't be a fool. I'll take you home.'

I stood motionless staring at him. My heart thumped in my chest, my eyes wide with horror, and all the time, Edward's voice was slipping from my grasp. Who knew how long I had until I would hear it again? How could I afford to waste such an opportunity? A gush of wind hit me full blast in the face and I staggered slightly. A groan escaped my lips.

'Bella,' Jacob said, louder this time, firmer. 'Give your hand now.' His face was pleading now and I wanted to obey, I really did but I turned my back on him and faced the deafening water once again. His hand reached towards me. 'Sorry Jake,' I mumbled and then instantaneously, I flung myself feet first off the cliff.

I heard his pounding footsteps only inches behind as I jumped and I screamed in exhilaration as I plunged towards the dark ocean and the wind rippled through my hair and stung my cheeks. I had no awareness of gravity or the icy water waiting below. I was just free. And Edward was with me, chanting my name in the wind. It was sheer contentment and bliss and I loved every moment of it.

'BELLA,' Jacob yelled but I did not have time to see his reaction. My body twisted and twirled in the air and I was without any sense of control. The fall was not technically that much of a challenge. The water was the main challenge. I took a deep breath in anticipation as I hit the water feet first and there was a terrible ear-deafening splash. I was vaguely aware of another not two yards away.

The water was like ice. The waves were over-whelming and I let the current rock me back and forth once I'd returned to the surface. I could see no sign of a beach. The air was misty and cold, just like the water. I tried to call out but my voice was ragged and my body was frozen in place, my limbs numb with cold. _Swim sideways _I told myself. The shore would lead me to my destination. "First Beach" couldn't be far from here; I had seen it on the way up, hadn't I? Edward's velvety voice was in my ear again, coaxing me on.

'Swim Bella, swim,' he demanded. But I couldn't swim. The current was too strong, my body too stiff, my arms too tired, and I couldn't see anything in this misty fog. Another wave, which was bigger than the last, came crashing down on me and I gasped in alarm, swallowing a nauseating mixture of air and salt water and kicking my legs outward, trying to get away from the now threatening water. My body jolted for a second and the force pulled me under. I tried to fight, to break the surface and to call out but my lungs were already filling with water. I stopped struggling, exhaustion finally over-powering me.

My limbs went limp and the muscles in my jaw relaxed. I was calm again and felt strangely peaceful. 'No Bella, no!' Edward cried, angry again. 'Keep fighting damn it!' I wanted to obey but I couldn't keep fighting, not anymore. I was done trying to be happy and if this was how nature decided to re-pay me, so be it. At least I would die happy. At least Edward would be here with me. I let my eyes close and I plunged deeper and deeper into the inky, icy abyss and gradually everything went black. The last thing I heard was Edward's velvety voice, slowly fading into the distance once more. I did not re-surface.

**Well, that's chapter 1. This is my first fan-fic so please go easy on me!! What do you think so far? Should I write more? Reviews are welcome! **


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